As you may know, my father had renal cell cancer. Long before he passed away last October, I had asked him to come back after he died and let me know that he was ok. He said he would. At the time I asked him if we should make a plan as to what the sign would be so that I would know it was him and not just some random occurrence. He thought it best if we just played it by ear. "You'll know it when it happens", he told me.
Well, two of my aunts and my sister had a visit from him a month or so after he died, but I did not get one until later.
It happened in the middle of the night, around 2am, as I lay awake worrying that I was doing the right thing for my mother. I was thinking how I really wished he was there to talk to and to get some advice from. I thought, "I miss you". And suddenly he was there beside me and he said "I miss you too". I could see (without turning my head)his face as it was when he was younger, maybe 30's or 40's, with no gray hair. At this point, it seemed we were moving down a long corridor. It was sort of misty and the colors were muted, kind of like a black & white movie only in taupe & beige. The corridor opened into a large space and we danced together. I'm not sure exactly how we danced, since I don't recall us having bodies with arms & legs, but we did. I feel like we talked about a lot of things after the dancing ended but this is all I can remember. I asked him where he'd been, what he'd been doing and he said "you can't believe it, it's so wonderful! I've been all over the place and done so many fantastic things!". And his eyes were twinkling and full of excitement, happiness and joy. "How do you do it", I asked? "We take jumps", he told me and showed a small glowing, stick shaped thing, about the size of a finger. He said, "we use this and we take jumps and we can go anywhere and do anything we want". "That sounds great", I said, "but what if you're not good enough"? "Why", he asked, "have you been bad"? "Well, I've been mean to people sometimes", I replied. "There are only two places", he told me. "If you go to the other place, you get the scroll. And you don't want to get the scroll!" About this time a sound was beginning in the background, low at first but getting louder and it was unpleasant, like a band tuning up and people shouting and just awful noise. I knew without looking that he was gone because of that sound. During all of the talking, we never moved our mouths, we could just think and communicate with our minds. After he left, I was back in my bed. I didn't want to move because I wanted to try to remember everything he said and try to remember the feeling, because I knew this was my visit. But I looked at the clock and it was almost 2:40am. I wanted to remember and keep feeling the love that I felt when he was there with me. It was very intense and it wasn't like we were necessarily father/daughter. He could have been my son, husband, friend whatever, but the love we shared and the bond we felt was strong.
As I lay there, thinking and remembering, a great sadness came over me, worse than the night I got the call telling me that he had died. I think its because he was there so close and then was gone that I was grief stricken and remained terribly sad for days. But the thoughts of how happy he was finally overrode my sadness and I was happy knowing that he was enjoying himself so much and happier knowing that someday, if I avoid the scroll we'll be together again.
I know it seems unbelievable, but I know it happened, it wasn't just a dream and I believe it.
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